What 3 Words That Eat Into Your Confidence

May 8, 2017


‘No’ is a complete sentence. Author unknown


What 3 Words That Eat into your Confidence


We all have genuine responsibilities. We need to protect our children from danger, and/or earn money to pay the mortgage, and/or care for our elderly parents. These are things that we do need to do. They are a necessary part of life, and they are our duty as a citizen.


However, there are other chores that you may take on that sound like responsibilities, but they are not. For example, say you have a grown family living at home, and you want to enrol in a night art class. However, you believe that you ‘should’ stay home and make dinner for them. You believe that is your responsibility. You have done it since the kids were little. However, things have changed. They have grown up. They know where the fridge is, and they could get their own dinner occasionally.


There is a difference between what is genuine responsibility and chores that are not your domain necessarily. Why is it so hard to know the difference?


It is all in the language. Anything that you say you ‘have to’ do, or ‘must’ do or ‘should’ do – sounds like a genuine responsibility doesn’t it? Well not always. There are many things that look like a genuine responsibility, but are not.

Confident people know how to tell the difference. They know what they need to expend time and energy on and when not to.


So how can you do this too? How do you act like a confident person?


Next time you say any of these three little words, - ‘have to’ or ‘must’ or ‘should’, then stop. Ask yourself is this really my responsibility or am I taking on something that I don’t need to do.


Most of us are time poor. We don’t need to do more than we have to. So catch yourself next time you say ‘I should’ do such and such. Stop and re-assess the situation. It may be time for you to say – no, this is not my duty. If it is not your duty – then ask yourself – whose is it? And then delegate – give it to the person who needs to take on that responsibility.


When you find you are struggling to say no and delegate, you need to look at your boundaries. What are they and what type of boundaries do you have?



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